Journey to Perfection - Practical uses of enlightenment

The Awakening - Learning to enjoy the journey instead of the destination

2008-08-05T08:10:00.000-07:00

I had an amazing experience a few months ago which started my new journey. This is what I wrote at that time.

Today I am feeling something I have never felt before.

It's hard to describe how I feel right now. I thought the best feeling in the world was being extremely happy. But I am not feeling happy right now. I'm not feeling sad. The best word I can find is "content". I feel like everything is all right in this world. That everything is the way it was meant to be.

I feel calm and relaxed. Extremely at peace.

I have the perfect best friend who is like a brother to me. I have the perfect job that I enjoy. I have hobbies that make me smile and friend circles who accept me completely.

Right now, even though I have all this stuff - friend, job, hobbies - I don't seem to be attached to them. Even if I lose them, I feel that I will still be as content as I am now, and accept it as the way it was meant to be.

I was talking to strangers today, and it didn't feel like an effort. I didn't have to think about what to say or about how they perceived me. I didn't feel satisfaction after talking to them. I didn't feel disappointed after talking to them. I just felt content.

I realized that I see no reason to ever hurt anyone and just want everyone to feel what I am feeling. Right now, I believe the best in others and all I want to do is help others bring out the best in themselves and feel as content as I feel right now.

I notice that for some reason my chest feels like it is about to burst (in a good way). I don't know how long this feeling will last. But it feels really, really nice.

I find myself laughing for no reason at all. I find myself enjoy watching the leaves fluttering in the wind and can watch it for hours without getting bored. I love the feeling of opening up all my senses and allowing them to get overwhelmed by all the colors, sounds and feelings around me.

I love my life.

I looked around, asked around and read around. I believe other people before me have had this experience. Some people call it enlightenment, others calling it the awakening of the kundalini.

One interesting thing that has happened since then is that I no longer feel a "NEED" to achieve goals. I am perfectly happy where I am without ever needing anything more. However now I can pursue goals just because I "WANT" to, without needing to ever achieve them. Which means, I no longer feel the urge to rush towards them, and can take my time enjoying the journey to get there. It makes the journey a whole lot more fun

Aiming without Aiming - How to shoot pool like a pro in three months

2008-08-05T07:55:00.001-07:00

This blog has moved to www.adityaravishankar.com

If you like this post and would like to read more of my pool related posts, please check out my new blog at www.adityaravishankar.com

When I first started playing pool (billiards), I considered myself an average player. I could never be sure if I would make the next shot, and running two or three balls in a row was a big achievement for me. I read books on aiming systems like the ghost ball system, and different drills. However I still saw a clear difference between "easy" and "difficult" shots and trying advanced things like position play would make me miss my shot.

Some time back I heard the term "subconscious-competence" and about the subconscious mind. This is the same thing that allows us to walk without having to logically plan every muscle that needs to be raised to take each step - We just look at where we want to go, decide we want to go there, and then automatically end up there. It is also responsible for the times when we might get distracted while driving, thinking about all kinds of other stuff, and suddenly realize that we have reached home without remembering any of the turns, traffic lights or other cars on the road.

I don't think that we were ever really meant to be conscious learners. The conscious mind can handle about 5-9 things at a time after which it zones out. The subconscious mind can apparently keep track of EVERYTHING, including things the conscious mind wouldn't even dare try.

The only thing the unconscious mind really needs is
1. The initial desire or thought from the conscious mind - Creating the goal
2. Trusting signals from the subconscious mind - following your instincts
3. Allowing the subconscious mind to learn and train itself for the goal - Allowing mistakes to happen without labeling or judging them and not getting frustrated by them
4. Getting out of your own way - Letting the subconscious mind do everything instead of trying to take over the wheel while it is doing its work.

Three months ago, I wrote down in my notebook, a thought addressed to my subconscious mind - "I refuse to aim. You do it otherwise we both miss". For three whole months, I did not aim. I just looked at the pocket I wanted the ball to go, and just shot the cue ball without aiming with any system... Talk about a crazy, unrealistic, leap of faith...

A few days after I began, when the first difficult shot went in without aiming, I was pleasantly surprised. I assumed it was just luck. Over the next few days as more and more people started noticing my consistent shooting "luck", I started getting an ego. If I did miss, I forgot rule 3. I didn't realize that when I missed, it wasn't that my plan wasn't working, it was just that my subconscious mind hadn't trained itself for that particular shot yet. It took several days just to accept any misses and not try to control with my conscious mind.

Now days every shot is "easy". I spend exactly 0 seconds planning the shot. I just look at the pocket, look at the ball, wait for that "YES" signal in my head, and shoot. It goes in on its own. I don't aim or shoot. My subconscious mind does. I don't take credit for the shots since I never really shot them. I saw it shooting some amazing shots which blew my mind. It was almost like my subconscious mind was a different person, who was shooting through me. And as it overtook me with its skills, it earned my trust and respect. I no longer dared to compete with it or try to take over the steering wheel again. I knew, that as long as I stayed out of it's way, it would do the job better than I could have ever hoped to.

But this wasn't the real shock. Now that I could shoot without shooting, I wanted to see how far I could take it, and what limits my mind had. My next goal was to run a table (run all 7 balls, and the 8 ball in one go without giving my opponent a turn).

Again, I wouldn't plan it or think about it, just make a goal and trust my subconscious to do whatever was needed. Over the next few days, I found myself wanting to shoot one particular ball versus another, without any logical reason. I would just look at the table, see a particular ball and think to myself- "I like that one, that is what I will shoot next". Trying to logically decide which was the best ball to shoot actually messed things up.

One week later, I broke and ran the entire table when playing with my team captain - or rather my subconscious mind did. Now days, running 4-5 balls is almost a regular occurrence. Three months ago, I would have laughed at that possibility.

The funny thing is, I don't even have to be paying attention to the table while I am shooting. I can be thinking about taxes or some movie I watched. In fact, anything OTHER than aiming the shot. The balls just go in on their own. I seem to get so zoned out, I seem to lose track of time and place. I can now play entire pool games and not remember shooting even a single shot.

With the success in pool, I had to push things further. I now started setting broad goals for all areas in my life, just trusting my subconscious mind to handle it. Since then, I've had more synchronicities in my life than I can count. Accidentally finding about just the book I needed to read, talking to the one person who can help me with a project. All I have to do is stop wanting my goal or trying to get it. Just do what I feel like doing. My subconscious mind seems to take care of ensuring that I feel just what I need to feel to achieve my goal. Every few days I have to adjust my goals to make them harder and bigger. Frankly, I don't think the subconscious mind has ANY limits.

I think some people call it being in the zone. Some people call it instinct. Some people call it muscle memory. Some call it trusting a higher power. Whatever you choose to call it, trusting your subconscious mind can let you live life the way it was always meant to be - effortless

If you like this post and would like to read more of my pool related posts, please check out my new blog at www.adityaravishankar.com

Head or the Heart? - Discovering the real you

2008-02-25T08:04:00.000-08:00

"I've decided to stop using logic unless it's absolutely necessary...like with math." - JD

My dad once helped me write an essay about decision making - about using the head and the heart. The head is when you use logical reasons to decide what to do, the heart is when you trust your emotions and your instincts to decide. Growing up at home, I learned from both my mom who used her heart more often than not, and my dad who used his "head" as far as possible. U both is probably a good compromise. But when the head and the heart give contradicting answers, what are you supposed to do?

Well. Here's my take on it. As children we did what our instincts told us to. What we "felt" like. Saw something bright? Reach for it. Hear something loud? Get scared and back away. We were just reacting to what our body told us to. We didn't have "wants" or "needs".

Then came a long period of training from our parents, teachers and elders. On how we were supposed to behave, what we were supposed to feel.

Before, when we fell on the floor, we would stare at our parents, feeling a little pain in our knee, but not really knowing how to react, not knowing what were supposed to do. Now after being trained, we "knew" we were supposed to cry. We cried because our parents cried and told us to cry when we got hurt.

But that wasn't what we really wanted to do either - that was what we THOUGHT we were supposed to do. We followed rules without knowing why, even though we didn't want to, because we were "supposed to". (including things like saying sorry and thank you even when we don't mean them). Or we did the exact opposite to prove to ourselves that the rules didn't apply to us.

Susie: You'd get a good grade without doing any work.
Calvin: So?
Susie: It's wrong to get rewards you haven't earned.
Calvin: I've never heard of anyone who couldn't live with that.

There are people who want to jump out of a plane. And they do. At that second before the leap, their logical mind says its "probably safe". Their body says "don't jump. This is SCARY" and pumps them full of adrenaline.
But something else still says "Yes. I want to do this."

And this third thing is not the body. Its not the mind. Its the real you. The person we never noticed because we were too busy confusing the body and the mind with who we were.

Its the part of us which doesn't cry when it feels pain. It just notices the pain and says "oh. I'm feeling pain. How interesting".
Its the part which doesn't care about the rules that say "this is how we are supposed to feel" and feels the way it wants to.

Learning to listen to this part of us, and trusting it takes a long time. To unlearn everything we have ever learned and using our body and mind just to give us information. But its only when we do this that we can become who we were truly meant to be.

Purpose - The easiest way to become motivated and decisive

2007-12-15T11:38:00.001-08:00

The last few months, I had found myself unusually motivated.

I was doing a hundred seemingly unrelated things. I was cheerful waking up. I was cheerful going out doing crazy, scary things and pushing myself outside my comfort zone. And the best part? I was always sure. 100% sure. I didn't have to ask myself -"Am I doing the right thing?". No hesitation.

In the last month, suddenly I seemed to lose interest in everything I was doing. Nothing seemed like fun anymore. It seemed like I was going through the motions of a dozen different things without knowing why. The motivation disappeared. The energy disappeared. I questioned every decision I made, not sure if I was doing the right thing or even how to decide whether it was the right thing. See, I had this realization some time back - that there is no absolute right or wrong. And how you decide whether something is right or wrong, is by having your own internal compass, which reminds you when you go off track. This was my purpose. Every action I did which helped me go closer towards my purpose was right. And anything that was taking me away from my purpose was wrong.

I realize the reason I was feeling lost was because I had lost sight of my true purpose. For a while in between, I thought those things I did - Taekwando, Salsa, Improv, Business School were the purpose. And suddenly they felt like work. Something that I had to get over with to get to the end. That my goal was to finish them. And that I could only be happy once they were finished. Which meant I wasn't happy now.

But today, I started reading a book that I had been putting off for a while - The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida. And as I was reading it, I suddenly remembered that purpose again. The reason why I started everything in the first place. And as I thought about it, I realized that every little thing that I did, could be explained by that purpose. That the reason I was meant to do everything that I was doing was just to reach that purpose.

And suddenly all my indecision disappeared. No more sadness, no more guilt, no more worry. I did what was necessary to achieve my purpose. And as long as I was walking towards my purpose, I was doing the right thing.

I can't explain how amazing I feel right now. I feel relaxed and motivated at the same time. Like every thing in life has meaning again. That I know what I need to do, even though I don't have a plan for it. And that everything is going to be all right.

Change - Why leaping into the unknown is a good thing

2007-12-13T10:32:00.001-08:00

Every time I take a leap of faith, I look back surprised that I had been willing to settle for so little when I could have had so much more ...

The last couple of days have been a big leap of faith - Letting go of something beautiful and sure to jump into the unknown, not knowing what is waiting for me out there.

There is a lot of pain letting go of what you have, but sometimes it is necessary.

There are times when someone says exactly what you wanted to say, but better than you ever could ... These thoughts below give me strength during the times when I lose faith and wonder if I am doing the right thing...

Converting the fear of transformation into the transformation of fear

Sometimes I feel that my life is a series of trapezes. I find myself swinging on a trapeze, or during a few moments, I fling myself across the space that lies between trapezes.

Most of the time, I spend life holding onto the trapeze bar of the moment. I swing myself at a certain speed and I have the sensation that I control my life. I know the right questions and even some of the answers.

But sometimes when I am happily, or not so happily, swinging, I look ahead and what is it that I see in the distance? I see another trapeze coming towards me. It is empty and I know, in that part of me that knows, that this trapeze has my name on it. It is my next step, my growth, life that is searching for me. From the bottom of my heart I know that to grow, I must let go of the old trapeze that I know so well, and grab onto the new one.

Every time that this happens to me I hope (no, I pray) to not have to let go of the old trapeze completely before grasping the new one. But in that place where I know, I know that I must let of the old trapeze completely and, for a moment, cross space before being able to grab onto the new one.

I am always very afraid. It doesn’t matter that in my previous flights between trapezes I have always been successful. I always fear failing, crashing against the rocks that I can’t see at the bottomless chasm below. But I do it anyway. Perhaps this is the essence of what mystics call the faith experience. There is no guarantee, no safety net and no insurance policy but you do it anyway, because to continue holding onto the old trapeze just isn’t one of the options anymore. So, during an eternity that can last a microsecond or a thousand lives, I rise above the the dark emptiness of "the past gone by, the future not yet come". This is what is called a "transition". I have come to believe that true change occurs only in these transitions. I mean true change, not the pseudochange that only lasts until the next time the old buttons are pushed.

I have also come to realize that, in our culture, this transition zone is considered to be a "nothing", an empty non-place between places. Of course, the old trapeze was real and I hope the new one coming towards will also be. But what about the emptiness between? Is it simply an empty space that should be crossed as fast and unconsciously as possible? NO!! This would be to lose a great opportunity. On occasions, I suspect that the transition zone is the only real thing and that the trapezes are illusions that we create to avoid the emptiness in which real change, real growth occurs. Whether or not this be true, what is certain is that the transition zones in our lives are incredibly rich. They should be honored, even savored. Yes, despite all the pain, the fear and the feelings of being out of control that may accompany (though not necessarily) transitions, these are still the most vivid, full of growth, passionate and expansive moments in our lives.

Taken from Here

Cycle of Love - The universal stages of all relationships

2007-11-14T11:22:00.000-08:00

When a mother first falls in love with her child she feels a strong sense of excitement and anticipation, of extreme happiness each and every time she sees the child. Everything the child does is new and amazing, and every little thing pulls the strings of her heart. She enjoys every waking moment thinking about the child. And she knows that she loves him.

But after some time she no longer feels the same excitement. She feels calm and normal around the child and can go about doing her chores with him playing around. But if he goes out of her sight, or she doesn't see him in a while, she feels a strong sense of panic, loss and fear. Its only when she sees the child again that her heart slows down and she feels normal. And as she feels that relief she realizes how much she still loves him.

Then comes the time comes when the child needs to leave to start his own journey. And while the mother does feel pangs of loss, she accepts it. And eventually she doesn't seem to miss him anymore. She goes on with her life, often seemingly without thinking of him, apart from the occasional thought. And sometimes she might even feel sad that she no longer loves him.

But one phone call is all it takes for everything to come rushing back. She can still tell from the first word on the phone how he is feeling. And as she hears his emotions, she feels them too, for no apparent reason other than this connection that she doesn't understand. And thats how she knows she still loves him.

The love never goes away. It just seems to change. And while the love is no longer visible to a person on the outside, it has transformed into a connection that grows stronger each day. And this connection will last forever. Because she loves him.

Learning Confidence - Pushing your limits one baby step at a time

2007-11-02T10:09:00.000-07:00

When I first came to learn Taekwondo, I wasn't sure what I really expected to gain. Maybe I wanted to learn my physical limits and push them as far as I could. Or just improve and be able to do things that I couldn't do before. Or gain the confidence and strength that came from knowing I could defend myself.

When I started, all my movements were awkward and clumsy. I couldn't kick smoothly and the workout would exhaust me completely. The day after, my body would ache, reminding me that I was using muscles that had never been used before. But the pain made me happy, because I knew I was pushing myself in a way I never had before. And I was glad.

I was motivated by my love for learning, and inspired from watching the seniors practicing.
During this time, the only thing I had to go on was the faith that as long as I followed the instructions of Master Kim and my seniors, I would eventually get better.

With every week, I saw gradual improvement and enjoyed every little success - The first kick that I could do without losing my balance. The first time I could do a roundhouse kick that looked respectable. Even the first time I landed on my back trying to do an axe kick, and the next time, when I kicked higher than my head without falling. Each of them felt like an achievement. And each of them made me incredibly happy.

It has been four months since I joined. Today, I find forty pushups easy to do. I am able to do a spin hook kick, which my master tells me is good for a white belt. I now look at the other students and don't feel intimidated, because now I feel like I am one of them. I've come a long way in just a few months.

When I first started out, all I wanted was my next belt. But now, I am no longer in a hurry. Now, the learning and the experience seem more important than the belt.

Taekwondo has given me an inner strength and confidence not just within the class, but also in the way I handle every situation in my life. With a confidence that even if I don't know how to do something now, I will eventually learn to get good at it just by trying again and again and not giving up.

Thank you - Expressing your feelings so others can feel it

2007-11-02T10:01:00.000-07:00

I was still in school. I think it was 7th grade. I was just another shy school kid who brought his teacher a card for teachers day. I didn't really put much effort into the card. She wasn't even my favorite teacher. But she was a good teacher who loved her job and taught like it meant a lot to her. I just gave her the card because I thought I was supposed to.

When I gave her the card, she looked me in the eyes and said "Thank you". Nothing more.

But that moment changed my life in a way I can never really explain. Because what really shocked me, rattled me and had me thinking, was that I didn't just hear that Thank you. I felt it.

Maybe it was her eyes which seemed to be glistening, almost tearful. Maybe it was the way she looked at me like I was the only person in the room, and the way that she seemed to really, really mean it. I knew she meant it, and I knew she wanted me to feel what she was feeling. Because for that moment, she was sharing everything that she felt, the joy, the sadness, how grateful she was... everything - and I felt every bit of it. And all she had said was "Thank you".

Until then Thank You was just something you automatically said when people gave you something, whether you cared about it or not. It was something you said because your parents told you to. It was never said that way. Words weren't supposed to have so much feeling in them. Words were just words.

But that day she changed my life. Because from that day, I started wondering about how someone could say something with so much emotion, with so much belief, with so much meaning, and what I had been missing because I didn't even know it was possible. It was the day I wanted to be able to say what I felt. And that day, as much as any other, has made me who I am today. And for that I am truly grateful.